Expectations vs. Demands

 It was the worst Valentine’s Day ever. My expectation was to have an exchange of cards, roses - one dozen, red - and something sweet (dark chocolates, to show you really love me). Even if I had just stopped at the exchange of cards I would have been disappointed, because that didn’t happen. My expectation quickly became a demand, and I let my anger flow. He, in his own anger, left just as dinner (that special pre-packaged Valentine’s Day romantic dinner for two) was ready, to go get me my g*dd*m flowers. 

That was a memorable day for all the wrong reasons.

One of the “musts” in the Big Book - and there are many for the person who wants to change - is that my wellness depends upon my “trust in God and clean(ing) house”. I can have expectations when dealing with  myself: I expect myself to treat others with kindness; I expect to have enough self-esteem to remove myself from any situation or person which would harm me; I expect myself to try, allow disappointment, and try again. The Serenity Prayer helps me determine what is mine to change. This is my house to clean, and with each cleared space, I am more at peace.

I don’t expect serenity, but when I drop the demands, that is my unasked-for gift.

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