No More Struggle…

 The idea of ‘going with the flow’ seemed just wrong to me. It was like the ‘groupthink’ of 1984. It felt like I was simply following orders, no matter how wrong they felt, because I had no faith in my own agency - no say in my own life. This gave me no peace. My emotions were in constant turmoil as I ignored all the red flags in my life because someone else said they were simply markers on the way. 

When I finally admitted to myself that my desire for alcohol was stronger than my reasons to abstain, I had to ‘woman-up’ and do something different. I entered the rooms of my 12-step group ready to admit that I was one one ‘them’. I was gifted with full acceptance, understanding, and a proven process to follow if I so desired. I understood, finally, that I was entering a new phase of thinking - that following the steps as shown by others would include making better choices for myself and my purpose in life. There were no red flags being mislabeled; I found guideposts and guides, but no mind control, no gaslighting.

What I have found is a peace in living my life and a daily connection to Spirit. My experiences are like a stream; rapids, ease, rocks, ease, exhilaration, ease, rushing, slowing, knowing with each change I encounter that all is well. I am well. I am free to make the choices which can aid my journey or dam the flow. If I find myself stuck in place, there is always an example available to find that flow once again.

Life happens, but I don’t have to fight my way through. I experience challenges - there is no magic. When I cease struggling against them, I have allowed myself to experience true freedom.

Fighting for necessary change is no struggle when I’m doing the next right thing; when, instead of red flags everywhere, I find green ones telling me that all is truly well.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I Choose Anonymity

 I can be a real braggart. I suspect this is tied to low-self-esteem issues, and is the egos’s way of asserting itself. I must have recognized this at some point in my journey, because, written on the bottom of the page of this Daily Reflection is “STFU, Sandy”.  Inner peace and ease of being is quiet. It invites, it has an allure; it, like the Dude in The Big Lebowski, abides.  Our eleventh tradition tells us that our public principle is “attraction rather than promotion”. For me, this applies to my own public life. When it’s appropriate, like when someone asks about myself or shares a personal concern which would best be addressed by a 12-step fellowship, I’m happy to share how my life has been and continues to be changed.  Newcomers to AA can be so overwhelmed by their new freedom, they loudly proclaim their sobriety. I know I did. Jaded friends and family, used to seeing broken promises and dreadful decisions, don’t hear the words; they’re waiting to see the “pro...
Read more

Step One

 The first step begins with “WE”. What a beautiful, reassuring word that is! The reminder, right from the very start, that I don’t have to face anything by myself. WE understand what it is like to feel alone. WE have all felt the sense of loss, the utter powerlessness over alcohol, the loneliness of feeling apart from rather that a part of.  I was reminded of that this morning when, instead of checking in with my “I’m still alive” buddy, I went back to bed. By the time I got back up, much later than normal, she had tried in vain to reach me several times, and was deeply concerned. I was able to finally let her know that breath and blood still course through my body, filling me with the gratitude of having the love of a friend who cares that that still happens. Our program is like that - WE don’t have to leave anyone in the dark, wondering what to do next. WE show by living our lives how to connect with others as well as our Higher Power. WE see in each other the Light of Life,...
Read more

The End…?

 I started writing my daily reflections in January, although I didn’t start posting them until February. It’s been a journey of self-discipline, even as I missed a few days. It’s also been a dive into a creative outlet, one which I plan to build on.  I don’t know yet what I’ll focus on in the New Year, but I know that, for me, daily writing has been a joyful experience. I have been honored to share it, and will continue to do so. Thank you to those who have read it and have been encouraging - this experiment has been buoyed by you! Thanks also for the many lessons I’ve learned about myself. I’ve been humbled, shown with bright lights how my thinking has led me into shadows, and challenged to see things from a Higher perspective.  The Light in me recognizes and celebrates the Light in you. Namasté 🙏
Read more