Self-Honesty

 My lack of willingness to be honest with myself kept me out if the rooms of recovery for years. Half a dozen years before the truth made itself obvious to me, I had whispered into my journal “am I an alcoholic?”. I didn’t want that truth anywhere near me, so I pretended I had control. Ha! Self-deception is a heavy cloak to wear, but I stumbled along until Truth said “let me help you take that thing off”. I couldn’t accept help until I recognized the cloak itself, and agreed that I didn’t want that thing dragging me down for one more day. 

Self-honesty is the key to all the steps. I pray for guidance and for the willingness to actually see myself, my motivations, my values, and how - specifically - I’ve let down myself and my loved ones through lack of truth. Self-honesty helps me to recognize old patterns and destructive coping mechanisms. It is vital to getting to the core of all the “why”s so that I can truly get to the “how”s of recovery.

Self-honesty also allows me to see what is good and healthy about myself, and to build on that. I’m more than a person who had become addicted to alcohol; I am a person who has felt the warmth of the Sunlight of the Spirit. In that light, the truth is easier to see.


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