Healing Heart and Mind

 Sometimes, I treat my resentments like a dog treats a chew toy. I gnaw on them, growl at them, keep them close. I might beg someone else to throw them away, but I chase after and retrieve them. They’re mine, after all. They’re familiar. My identity is defined by them: “I’m the poor little thing who didn’t get my way, was unfairly treated, blah blah blah”. These show up in my 4th step inventory. I learn to stop retrieving those worn out things, and find that I never needed any of them. I am allowed happiness!

Other things which can be uncovered in that inventory are the ways in which I may have rightfully earned the resentment of others. These are my secrets - the things which, if I’m honest enough to shine a light on, can still demand to be kept private. I’m asked in step 5 to admit them to God as I understand God, to myself, and to another person. That admission is the all-ride ticket to personal freedom. I can’t be held captive by the monsters under my bed, because I’ve swept that area clean. I’ve exposed it to the Light, and can then accept responsibility for my actions or reactions to them. 

This is a profoundly healing process, one which demands my being totally honest and open. I begin to see that my secrets are not terribly unique. I can, now that I see them outside of personal ego, let them go or finally deal with them.

This is the vital step in healing my heart and my mind.