It’s Okay to Be Me

 I received a lot of messages while young that were contrary to today’s theme: stand up straight - be proud of your height vs. you’re too tall to be a (fill in the blank); be honest vs. don’t air your dirty laundry; you’re perfectly fine just as you are vs. read this self-improvement book; why can’t you be more like your sister - you were raised exactly the same way.

Feel good! Feel bad! Get better! Stop crying! Straighten up! Who do you think you are? 

Whether by words or actions, the messages were clear: I was not okay. Is it any wonder that when I finally admitted that my life was unmanageable, I was still bound to the unreachable goal of perfection? I had failed, therefore, I was a failure. It was bad enough that alcohol had kicked my butt so hard I had to admit defeat - now I had to be completely honest with myself, my Higher Power, and (gasp) another human being? My whole idea of self-worth came from the image I projected. How on earth would I feel anything but self-hatred if I allowed the real me to be seen? 

My life is a gift from my Creator. I have value. I am loved and cherished. I am lovable and capable. I am learning to catch myself when I try to go down the “I’m not worthy” rabbit hole, and remind myself that, as is written in the Desiderata, I am a “child of the universe, no less than the trees and stars”.

It is due to the freedom to be fully myself which I learn in A.A. by working the steps and giving an honest effort to live by the principles of the program, that I can fully, totally, honestly, be alright with who I am. In that freedom, I can say and know that I am a ‘work in progress’. Always okay, always room for growth.

 I can’t get there without the humility to know that I can be fully who I am, honestly looking within, accepting my foibles and correcting my wrongs.


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