A.A. Regeneration

 Regeneration of any kind is represented in the story of the Phoenix rising from the ashes: the old must be obliterated in order for the new to be able to grow and flourish.

That’s what I find in the cessation of my old coping mechanisms, first and foremost drinking to remember, drinking to forget, drinking just to drink, and all the justifications my mind used to continue that and other old habits, wrapped in pretty, new paper. The words must be accompanied by action.

Old habits can grow like uncontained bamboo or mint. The roots run deep and wide, and no matter how often they are cut back, they send new shoots. Those are the ‘default settings” I mentioned yesterday. I’m learning to recognize those shoots sooner and sooner, giving me the opportunity to blast them before they grow too hard to pull, or to passively watch them overtake my garden. I have the choice to give in to the wild growth, or to be diligent about removal, allowing tender new growth to take place.

The working of the steps helps me to prepare then take action, repeating daily, as I go to my Master Gardener to request help and advice.

What I used to believe about myself shows up in those tenacious shoots. What I always hoped to be is given the sunlight and nutrients to thrive as who I really am - beloved, complete, worthy.

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