A New Direction

 Sometimes, my will-power just isn’t enough. I thought it had worked in the past: I successfully quit smoking, after I softened my “cold-turkey is the only way” approach. I wasn’t absolute about it,  though. When I’d get together with a friend who smoked long-skinny cigarettes, I’d accept her offer to join her. When I realized that just thinking about meeting with her triggered the addiction to tobacco, I realized that I’d have to reject each offer. I had to recommit my will power to saying no.

I tried the same method with alcohol. On my own, I could maintain drinking a limited amount for a day or two, followed by the devil-may-care attitude of false mastery. I had ‘proved’ to myself that I had control then, and could have control again - some time in the future. This was a special occasion! Or, my team scored! Or, it’s just for today, or any number of lame excuses. My physical craving had merged with the mental obsession, and my ‘superior’ will power was woefully insufficient.

What’s a poor drunk to do? I hung my head in shame and walked into a meeting. I was a loser among losers. They seemed nice, but still… I knew that life as I’d known it was over, and that I’d have to go to a meeting every day, get a sponsor, and truthfully, honestly, faithfully follow the steps. What I found was Joy. What I heard was Hope. What I found was a Solution. I only needed to go within to that place of Connection with Something Greater than myself. 

I plugged into the Power. I wasn’t made smaller in finding this new direction - I found the path to the big-ness of freedom from those things which used to diminish and control me.