Anonymous Gifts of Kindness

 I always felt that I need rescuing. It could well be that that idea started with childhood fairy tales, the era in which I came of age, and cultural norms. But what about when I became an adult? I had many moments of self-sufficient strength, but they were simply moments - islets in a vast ocean of  “I’m not enough”. It’s not surprising, then, to learn that alcoholics tend to be takers - I was right at home in expecting others to do for me what I didn’t believe I could do for myself.

I’m learning - and it’s a process - to be that grown-up I always wanted to have in my life. I just never thought it was me! I grew used to expecting hand-outs, whether or not I received them. I had the mindset which told me I was special, I deserved because I needed. Not surprisingly, the truth is that everyone deserves, we all have needs, and as a community, we can carry others when they crumble, just as they carry me when I break down.

If I recognize that just as sometimes I need a little help, and others do too, I can respond with the strength of character to give without any expectation of return. In fact, the giving is the gift I give myself. The ‘random acts of kindness’, those small, anonymous gifts to others, are the soul push-ups which carry me when I start to sink into old thought-patterns.