Identifying Fear …

 I am in the process of looking deeply at my shortcomings to find the fear which manifests as resentment, envy, judgement, and all the rest. Will fear show up in every instance? I don’t know yet, but it seems likely. I’m thinking that in the process, I’ll find that some fears can be healthy - for example, I fear mismanaging my funds and getting myself into a financial mess. I’ve done it in the past, and the results are unhappy. Is that a justifiable fear? It seems so. When I acknowledge my part in creating hardship, I have to then accept responsibility for ensuring, to the best of my ability, that I don’t repeat those errors.

In our 12x12, Bill writes that “The chief activator of our defects has been self-centered fear” (italics are mine). When I am controlling, what do I fear happening? If someone does a task which I would do differently, what of it? Why am I invested in my way only? What if they have a better way - can my delicate ego handle someone else’s success? Do I then think that if anyone knew I was wrong, I’d be kicked out of the club? What would happen to me? What would people think of me? I can’t control people’s thoughts and opinions, so why take it personally? Is it because I’m still the center of my universe?

And what on earth does all this have to do with sobriety or abstinence?

This simple program is based upon living a spiritually-aware life. Personal connection with my Higher Power is only going to be enhanced when I look at the smallness which I have accepted as “normal”, and all of the manifestations of those ego-driven fears, in order to see and be my higher self. I get to release the limiting beliefs which told me that life was not fair, in order to be open and receptive to the peace and serenity of living life as it shows up, with no stories attached.

Happy, joyous, and free - freedom from fears, and freedom to fully, honestly, deeply live this great gift of life.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I Choose Anonymity

 I can be a real braggart. I suspect this is tied to low-self-esteem issues, and is the egos’s way of asserting itself. I must have recognized this at some point in my journey, because, written on the bottom of the page of this Daily Reflection is “STFU, Sandy”.  Inner peace and ease of being is quiet. It invites, it has an allure; it, like the Dude in The Big Lebowski, abides.  Our eleventh tradition tells us that our public principle is “attraction rather than promotion”. For me, this applies to my own public life. When it’s appropriate, like when someone asks about myself or shares a personal concern which would best be addressed by a 12-step fellowship, I’m happy to share how my life has been and continues to be changed.  Newcomers to AA can be so overwhelmed by their new freedom, they loudly proclaim their sobriety. I know I did. Jaded friends and family, used to seeing broken promises and dreadful decisions, don’t hear the words; they’re waiting to see the “pro...
Read more

Step One

 The first step begins with “WE”. What a beautiful, reassuring word that is! The reminder, right from the very start, that I don’t have to face anything by myself. WE understand what it is like to feel alone. WE have all felt the sense of loss, the utter powerlessness over alcohol, the loneliness of feeling apart from rather that a part of.  I was reminded of that this morning when, instead of checking in with my “I’m still alive” buddy, I went back to bed. By the time I got back up, much later than normal, she had tried in vain to reach me several times, and was deeply concerned. I was able to finally let her know that breath and blood still course through my body, filling me with the gratitude of having the love of a friend who cares that that still happens. Our program is like that - WE don’t have to leave anyone in the dark, wondering what to do next. WE show by living our lives how to connect with others as well as our Higher Power. WE see in each other the Light of Life,...
Read more

The End…?

 I started writing my daily reflections in January, although I didn’t start posting them until February. It’s been a journey of self-discipline, even as I missed a few days. It’s also been a dive into a creative outlet, one which I plan to build on.  I don’t know yet what I’ll focus on in the New Year, but I know that, for me, daily writing has been a joyful experience. I have been honored to share it, and will continue to do so. Thank you to those who have read it and have been encouraging - this experiment has been buoyed by you! Thanks also for the many lessons I’ve learned about myself. I’ve been humbled, shown with bright lights how my thinking has led me into shadows, and challenged to see things from a Higher perspective.  The Light in me recognizes and celebrates the Light in you. Namasté 🙏
Read more