A Frame of Reference

 On page 67 of the Big Book, Bill W. asks us to set aside whatever wrongs we felt other had done to us, and to “resolutely look” at where we had been “selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened”. 

Having reached Step 8, it seems counterintuitive to have to go back to Step 4, but that is what’s called for to understand myself. Why did I react in that way? Why did I think what I thought of the other person’s motives? Could I have known their mind? Have I never done the same thing to them or another? I simply can’t know the experience and reasons why others behave as they do. What I can do is to question myself, and hold myself accountable for my own thought processes and justifications leading to negative thoughts and actions. This I do by looking back, with honestly and compassion. When I had envy, did it not show me my own relationship with lack? When I resented the results of others’ hard work, was I not confronted with my own lack of preparation? When I felt like I was a victim, was I not experiencing the fear of growth?

Step 4 allowed me to see the weeds in my garden. Step 8 gives me the proper tools for their removal, root and all. It readies me to put on my gardening gloves and get to work, one weed at a time, and to prepare to add them to the compost in Step 9. That’s where a transformation will take place, changing them from taking up space to becoming the beautiful humus in which to grow the flowers of my choice and the food to share.

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