Bringing the Message Home

 Wherever You Go, There They Are     Annabelle Gurwich

Our families, whether of origin or ones we’ve created, are, um, tricky, especially when we’re becoming a changed person. We can happily proclaim our new selves to them, only to be met with an arched eyebrow or a yawning “yeah, right”. Eye rolls abound, and smirking glances are exchanged. Do these things need to continue to be damaging to our psyches? Not if we continue to “practice these principles in all our affairs” - especially the principle of “attraction rather than promotion”.

People change. I’ve made changes. So many people try to explore new ways of seeing life or being their true selves. Consider the family member who decides to be called by a different name, only to be met with  the stubbornness of “I’ve always thought of him/her/them as ‘_________’, and they’ll always be ‘________’ to me”. How often have I done that to someone else? If I want my changes to be recognized and acknowledged, it’s only right and fair - and respectful - to offer the same courtesy. 

When it comes to the changes I want to see in myself in embracing a sober life, words alone aren’t going to convince anyone, especially those closest. How do I behave out of the rooms? Is it easier to be considerate of strangers than to family? My family knows my triggers, and may well test the veracity of my new way of living by trying to push those buttons. They may inadvertently do just that by not recognizing that they’re doing so, or, more likely, I might react unconsciously, based on years of having done things in an unhealthy way. My entire way of thinking is being turbo-challenged!

We read that we only have a ‘daily reprieve’ from our alcoholism. I must therefore engage in daily action - reading, journalling, prayer & meditation, whatever my daily practices include - to be the me I’m meant to be, rather than the avatar of the mental restriction my family may wish to see.

This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man    William Shakespeare

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