“I Had Dropped Out”

 I always use the app Insight Timer to ring my meditations in and out, and each day, there is a new quote. Today’s, from Rumi, was apt for this morning’s reflection: “Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself”.

In looking at the harm I’ve done others, I must go beyond the idea of physical hurt to acknowledge the hard looks, the harsh words - or my silence when words would heal, and even, maybe especially, my thoughts. Where does action begin? In the mind. Sitting in quiet contemplation, I am more able to recall those moments where I wanted to change the world by changing others. In my mind, that began with blaming others, followed by asking why they couldn’t just see things the way I saw them - then every little thing would be alright.

After way too much practice, I can confidently say that that doesn’t work! What I can do is to look honestly at myself: my motives, my desires, and my actions. I don’t have control over anyone else, but I alone am responsible for who I am and how I show up. Whatever changes I want to see in the world begin within myself. Can I live in constant conflict yet desire peace? Sure, but my chance of experiencing peace is dismal.

C.S. Lewis wrote, “You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending”. I’ll go with that.