“Made a List…”

 I find it notable that it’s not until we get to the eighth step that we start looking at ways in which we have caused harms to others. I needed to take a good, hard look at myself and all my justifications, reasons, and excuses for my poor behavior prior to my sobriety (okay - mostly prior to), before I was even close to seeing how my actions negatively affected others.

Once the practice of humility takes hold, it’s finally possible to understand how other people in my life may have been impacted by my words, actions, or inaction. That’s a hard pill to swallow after all those years of perceived victimhood. I have to now face up to those times in which I was the perpetrator of harm. 

In Step 8, I am preparing to try to set things right. It’s just not enough to merrily proclaim myself to be ‘happy, joyous, and free’, when those I hurt are still feeling the sting. They are free to stay in the victim mode if they want, but my aim is to clean ‘my side of the street’. Anything more than that is not necessary. My goal is to maintain my own sobriety, no longer hurt others, and make sure I have faced up to my responsibilities and continue to do so. 

This is the time, once again, to ask my Creator to make me aware. I want as complete a list as possible, so that I can prepare to move forward. Since being human is a process of learning, I will continue to make mistakes. I will continue to say something that hurts or embarrasses someone else, even as I’m hoping to be a better me. There are more steps to follow which will help me with that. In the meantime, I have been softened and awakened to the hurts of others. 

I am now taking action.

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