“…Of All Persons We Had Harmed”

 If I want to know whom I’ve harmed and how, it’s good for me to think about how I feel I’ve been harmed in the past. What was done? What was said? How did I feel? Why? How easily do my feelings get hurt? Am I having a negative reaction because of my own unmet expectations? Do I show the kind of consideration I want to receive? 

In order to grow as a human, I owe it to myself to ask the hard questions. Where have I had no thought as to the effects my actions - or inactions - on others? How often do I cut people off when they’re speaking? That’s one I seem to do a lot. Awareness cools my jets as often as I remember this. When have I been ugly in my words or deeds? To whom?

I need to do a thorough self-examination of my past, both far and recent. I thought I’d committed no crimes, but what about when I changed price tags? My feeling justified didn’t make it a lesser crime. Stealing a roll of Lifesavers or that warm beer that time in High School. What else have I stolen? A stranger’s sense of safety as I glared at them because I was having a bad day? The other woman’s place in his bed? A person’s peace as I lobbed a sarcasm bomb?

I have to come back to my own feelings, and and how I’ve felt misheard, misunderstood, or mistreated. Do I use those feelings as fuel for my reactions? I want to be a more aware and loving human being, not one who simply reflects the hurts back out to others. This means I must make an honest assessment daily. I have to set down on paper all the ways I’ve created or caused pain. I need to be honest with myself, so that I no longer have the dubious luxury of lack of personal awareness and accountability.

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