Redoubling Our Efforts

 As my understanding deepens, so does my awareness of harms I’ve committed. When I first came into the rooms, it was all about me. MY sobriety, My serenity, MY understanding, MY program, MY everything. Oh sure, the first step starts with “We”, but that didn’t mean anything at the time. The first hint where I realized that it wasn’t all about me was in working Step 4. That one was all about me in the sense that I needed to look at where I had faulty thinking and unrealistic expectations of others. Why was I hurt/angry/jealous/upset at each person or institution I resented? What was the common denominator? What could I learn about myself which would even the scales?

In making a list of those whom I have harmed (Step 8), I am finally looking at the sh*tstorms I’ve caused, the ways in which my actions or inactions have hurt another. I recognized how it felt in Step 4 - now is the opportunity to turn that around and walk in another’s shoes. That’s all I have to do. Remember it, feel it, be willing to rectify it if I can. 

Step 8 invites me to be the compassionate human I want to be - and always imagined I was. It’s only 7 steps away from that first ‘great humbling’, but it’s miles ahead on the scale of emotional maturity. 

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