We Become Willing…

 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

This is the step which makes me confront my excuses, justifications, and righteousness. What stories have I told myself which let me off the hook of accountability? It is now time to face those aspects of myself which would be unacceptable to me if manifested in someone else. Self-delusion and denial were the places I used to live in. Can I now deal with unvarnished reality? Can I see my past behavior and actions for the lies I chose to believe?

This doesn’t simply happen because it’s part of a list of to-dos. This is the logical progression of personal growth and responsibility, and follows a boatload of self-reflection and honest self-appraisal. It is the ‘next right action’. It is the ‘right-sizing’ of true humility. It is the recognition that my words and actions have consequences. It is the result of putting myself in another’s shoes and acknowledging the path they walk, and the obstacles I’ve placed there.

It can feel like an overwhelming task, one edged with shame and fear. I need not take action - yet. Right now, my only task is to make that list. My Higher Power will help me remember, and will assist in my feeling the effects of my selfishness. When I can feel those, I can truly accept my part. The willingness to make sincere amends will then become true and necessary, paving my own road with forgiveness.



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