Emotional Balance

 I can recall in vivid detail some of the times when I treated people horribly. I was sober, but the thought-processes which no doubt kept me drinking were centered on only me. These people were strangers or shopkeepers to whom I wouldn’t be able to make direct amends. What to do? 

First, I acknowledge the memories as an important gift. How would I know what to be on the lookout for if not for the cringe-worthy mental images of those times? I’ve asked my Creator to forgive me, so that’s done - I have no need to grovel and relive those things. I look at them and remind myself what I’m capable of, and who I am now. I sing myself a one-phrase, twice repeated chant: “forgive yourself and move on, forgive yourself and move on”. 

Next, I do just that - I move on. The things I find myself revisiting with self-loathing are those which I haven’t managed to work through. How do I live my Today with Yesterday tugging on my sleeve? I see it, I’m conscious of it, and I remember that it was in the past, not in the Now. Today I can be the person I want to be because of the recognition of those harms and the resolve and support I receive from my earthly and ethereal posses. 

I have discretion over who to show kindness to, and who to practice my boundaries on. Not everyone gets my undivided attention or friendship. I’m learning still - it’s a process of being honest with myself: how do I really feel about what this person is saying, or how that one is acting toward others? Is it my business? Probably not.  Is anyone in danger? What can I do to help? Is a clerk unfriendly? Smile anyway and thank them. Let that other driver into my lane. Try not to judge the motivations of others. Be the person with whom I would want to interact.

Emotional balance, to me, is the magic potion of honesty combined with kindness for all concerned.

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