Making Amends

 I always tried to teach my children that their actions had consequences: negative followed negative, and positive followed positive. How much more, then, do I need to model that natural law for myself. 

In our 12 x 12 (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions), Bill W. urges us to make amends quickly. This is, however, the ninth of twelve steps - the preceding steps help us all understand who we are and how our actions affected others and ourselves. They give the necessary perspective in which to more fully understand our responsibilities.

I realize now that I went into the process too early. I hadn’t done the preliminary work which would give me both perspective and awareness. I knew I had negatively impacted some people, but I wasn’t able to feel the brunt of my harm until I had developed a deeper understanding of myself. By that time, I had already mumbled some well-meant but poorly-formed “I’m sorry”s. I get now that an honest amend has to  go deeper. I have to acknowledge the specifics of my understanding of my action or inaction, followed by a sincere offer of restitution in whatever form that needs to take for the injured party to be made whole. I then have to follow through to the best of my ability and circumstance.

It certainly happens that some amends are not going to be received. The important thing for my integrity is to know that my effort was solid, honest, and offered in the right spirit. 

For the sake of my own sobriety and continued spiritual growth, the sooner I undertake the process, the better. I can then feel of truth of the promise “We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it.”.