Our Children

 This is the recurring theme in my recovery which continues to be a challenge - my wanting my children to forgive my misdeeds and misplaced priorities. I find myself attached to that outcome, when, in fact, I have no control over their reactions. My peace must come from the living amends I try to make by being emotionally available to them, and the assurance that in all things, all is well.

I have to honor their own processes, and accept where they’re at, even if it means I’m forever held accountable. In this, I must have the willingness to accept that which I cannot change in order to have personal serenity. This is what illustrates most vividly to me that recovery is a process. One of the ninth step promises is “We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it”. I’m holding that promise in my heart.

The promises are given as assurance of the results of making amends. It’s very clear that simply saying “I’m sorry” is an empty, overused, meaningless phrase until I can truly understand the personal effects of my words and actions, followed by meaningful steps. If my children don’t ever feel heard, they won’t hear me.

The strongest message I can give them is consistency in my words and actions. I pray that just as I seek to hear my Higher Power speak to me, they do the same with their own.