Removing Threats to Sobriety

 Have you ever watched shows about people who hoard? They are sad to watch. The hoarders can’t see their ways clear on their own - they need the help of others who understand the problem and don’t burden them with judgement.

Some are utterly resistant to help. You know that as soon as some of the stuff is cleared away, the hoarder will fill the space up again. Others, though, are genuinely stumped at how they got that way, and need a lot of assistance to get back to what society deems as ‘normal’. Once cleared of the excess, they breathe easier, feel great relief, and smile with genuine happiness. They receive counseling to learn how things became so out of control, with guidance on living a different way. The threats to their living stuff-free are dealt with.

I feel like there is an analogy there with the ‘stuff’ I’ve crammed into my psyche, which kept me drinking when I thought I didn’t want to. At night, trying to relax into sleep, I’d instead get the avalanche of regret and shame as I was reminded in technicolor of the troubles of my own making. 

As I’ve worked through the steps, approaching Step 9 was less daunting than when I considered it earlier in my sobriety. I’ve cleared out some of the mental debris by taking action to make amends. Each time, I feel lighter, happier, calmer, more at peace with myself. There are some amends I can’t make - all I can do, and all I must do, is to live in accordance with my values. Some attempts are rejected. That’s okay - we all have personal choice in what we accept or turn away. If I can assure myself, through prayer, meditation, and conversations with my sponsor and others who have experienced similar situations, that I sincerely did all I could to make things right, I am free to let it be. 

I have cleared my ‘home’ of the hoard which caused so much mental distress. I still find sneaky little piles, but I know where they will lead if I ignore them. These are very real threats to my sobriety, and with the awareness which arises from my relationship to my Power Source, I won’t allow them to remain unexamined.