Keeping Optimism Afloat

 I understand optimism because I know pessimism. I get how optimism feels, because I’m intimately acquainted with depression. These are the natural dualities of life. How can one define happiness without seeing the opposite? Existence is a hilly road, up and down, turns to the left and turns to the right, sometimes clear and sometimes dark and unlit.

Constant contact with the Great GPS is what helps me navigate all the parts. I know that I am loved and lovable, cherished and capable, no matter what. I know that nothing is permanent, that ‘this too shall pass’. Step 11 reminds me to maintain constant contact with my Higher Power, and that Power reminds me that I exist on purpose. It is the water wings holding me up, and the ‘atta girl’ when I soar through. It reminds me to look for the lessons, and have deep, true, oxytocin-producing happiness through gratitude.

The greatest optimistic ocean for me is my sobriety. Look, HP, at what we’ve done! Watch me swim! Your love, like a hand on the small of my back, gently helping me float with confidence. Sometimes, the hand is withdrawn, ever so gently, allowing me to know that I can do the hard things. What a gift! In those times when I just want to stay out of the water, I don’t feel shamed - I sit back and look and visualize, or shed some tears, then wait. I WILL swim again. I will, because I know how beautiful it feels.


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