Looking Outward

 I think it’s okay to have wants. I certainly believe that it is a common human emotion. In seeking to live in a way which brings me closer to my Creator, I have to look at those wants carefully and determine which ones are purely selfish - a nicer apartment, more money, all the “stuff” - and which ones serve a greater need. I want the unhoused to have shelter, for example; what am I doing about it? If I am to be of service, is this something I take to the Spirit of All in prayer? Do I follow through with action?

We learn to turn away from self-will and self-seeking. It’s quite a turn-around for this former drunk. I used to be consumed by what I wanted, and it wasn’t anything that I had. I saw lack everywhere, and was only concerned with what I was missing out on. I was depressed, and willingly shared with anyone who would stand still long enough to hear my tales of woe. What a fun party guest I was!

I spent years even before drinking alcoholically without the willingness to look within. Every problem, every sorrow, every sadness was because of something being done to me or withheld from me. I had no personal power, and my prayers were very specific in asking for situations to be different. I still believed in Magic God/ Fairy Godmother, even though I was seemingly not ‘good enough’ to deserve any gifts being lavished upon me.

Looking outward is a literal and metaphorical change of perspective. It’s one of many gifts of the program. I’ve learned to see the gifts I’ve received, whether or not I recognized them as such at the time. I see the good in my life, and I see the good I can do. Small acts of kindness, gratitude, asking how I can be of service then doing the ‘next right thing’ - all these things turned me inside out, and provided the greatest gift of them all: Serenity.