“Thy Will, Not Mine”

 We don’t hope for a ‘dark night of the soul’, but we all face challenges we’d really rather slide past. I know that’s true for me, anyway. I think that all of us—we who have faced or are currently facing our addictions—have experienced that process, which brought us to the rooms. That was a true humbling moment; one where I had to finally admit that my way wasn’t working.

I had always rebelled against the very idea of turning over my will, even as I wanted to do what I felt was right; it screamed to me of a willing suspension of personal power and autonomy. Surely we were created as thinking beings, capable of self-determination! 

Well, I think that’s right. We were. And I see where that personal stubbornness took me. I can sense when that desire to act on impulse leads me into trouble. Have I asked for guidance? Have I listened or felt for the answer? How often have I ignored the guidance I received because it was “too obvious” or simply not what I wanted? I’m very good at self-justification—can I now put into practice, on a daily basis, the sublimation of personal wishes for that which is Spirit-driven? Can I turn it around so that my wishes become what my Creator guides me to feel?

Whatever you want, Spirit of Life. May your will be what my soul desires.