Reflections from Reflections

 It can sometimes feel like I have nothing to give. That happens when I think I’m in charge, and when I’ve lost connection with the Spirit of the Universe. That connection is only lost when I fail to plug into the All That Is. The truth of spiritual connection is felt most clearly during prayer and meditation. Prayer can be as simple as “Help!”, and meditation is simply listening for the solution, then taking action. That spiritual connection is referred to by Bill W. as a “limitless lode”, to be mined for the rest of our lives. I love the mental image of that! Limitless - always present, but up to me to obtain. Without personal effort, the possibilities just remain covered up. God, to my understanding, doesn’t swoop in like Superman to save the day. My Creator gave me the wherewithal to find that lode, thanks to the examples of others, and to work it. As it is limitless, there is no need for me to feel like I must hoard it. It is mine to find and to give away just as quickly and f...

 We are each free to find and follow our own path. That’s hard to remember sometimes, especially when I think I’ve stumbled onto the Secret of Life. What works for me, what my understanding is, and how I apply that to my situation isn’t necessarily going to fit another.  That is so in A.A. as well. We have the Steps, Traditions, and Concepts, but all are suggestions. Each of us is free to determine how - or whether - to follow them. My experience won’t mirror anyone else’s, and I can’t determine how those with whom I work will grasp and use anything I offer. I’m reminded of how siblings within a family have their own recollections and interpretations of their parents and their shared history. Those memories are individual, based on many differing factors. I can’t see life through my sister’s eyes - I can listen to her talk about her memories, and try to place myself in the same timeframe. What was I doing then? How did I feel? How are we alike, and how are we different? Is my ...

 I always felt that I need rescuing. It could well be that that idea started with childhood fairy tales, the era in which I came of age, and cultural norms. But what about when I became an adult? I had many moments of self-sufficient strength, but they were simply moments - islets in a vast ocean of  “I’m not enough”. It’s not surprising, then, to learn that alcoholics tend to be takers - I was right at home in expecting others to do for me what I didn’t believe I could do for myself. I’m learning - and it’s a process - to be that grown-up I always wanted to have in my life. I just never thought it was me! I grew used to expecting hand-outs, whether or not I received them. I had the mindset which told me I was special, I deserved because I needed. Not surprisingly, the truth is that everyone deserves, we all have needs, and as a community, we can carry others when they crumble, just as they carry me when I break down. If I recognize that just as sometimes I need a little help,...

 What has kept our organization going for so long? How on earth does a disparate group of former drunks corral their pride and egos to keep A.A. accessible and available to all who desire freedom from the destructive grip of alcoholism? Simple, really. We honor the sacrifices made by our founders. We follow the guidelines set down in the Traditions. We recognize the wisdom in the adage “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”. And - importantly - we give of ourselves. We give our time to attend meetings, to organize new meetings whenever there’s a need to do so, we make ourselves available to others as sponsors and step guides, we step up in rotational leadership roles, we contribute our money to support each group, area, and A.A. as a whole. we do whatever needs to be done without thought of renumeration or reward. For us, passing the message of hope is both a privilege and a sacred responsibility. The onus never falls on the shoulders of one person or the same group of people. As member...

 One look at politics these days tells me everything I need to know about our Seventh Tradition - “Every A.A. group should be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions”. There is too much implied ownership which comes along with financial “gifts”. Large donors expect large rewards, and feel that they now have a voice in all decisions. That doesn’t mesh with the idea of a “group conscience” when it comes to how any individual group is going to order their priorities.  All groups agree to abide by the Traditions, just as each individual is expected to follow the suggested steps, if they truly want to experience the spiritual release from addiction which has been enjoyed by countless others through the decades. The Traditions are the gutter bumpers in the bowling alley, the direction signs on our path to the summit. So - what am I contributing? Since Zoom meetings have been so prevalent, it’s been easy for me to skate, to attend without giving. When I go to in-person...

 Despite taking medication for depression, sometimes the blues come to visit anyway. The temporary feels permanent, and, if I don’t stay aware, the permanent can appear to be temporary. I’ll explain. I am an alcoholic. If I purposefully take a drink, I am one who will continue. I don’t have a built-in modifier, telling me to stop. Instead, there is a take-over of any semblance of self-control, and I stop caring what my intentions were. I’ll have another just because it’s there. I may know it would be a really good idea to stop, but I won’t. I might think to myself that since I’m already feeling it, another drink won’t matter. I may decide that since there will be a hangover, what the hell - have another. Tomorrow will be a day to have self-discipline.  I know in my depths that instead of the “sophisticated” slight buzz, I’ll be the one smelling of vomit and slouched over the table drooling and unaware. I’ll be the one who starts off laughing too loudly, too often, and at anyth...

 In this life, we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. Mother Teresa I used to think in absolutes. Go big or go home! Do it perfectly, or not at all! Staying home and doing nothing is no longer an option. I feel a deep contentment when I know I’ve lifted someone’s spirits or have done something as simple as look them in the eye and smile. I still deal with my selfishness and self-centeredness, but I’m learning to recognize that ugliness when it shows up. Did I just snarl at that driver? Did I just mouth those words? Did that make me feel better somehow? Compare those moments to when I make no assumptions about someone’s parentage, and allow for another human to be having a bad day without taking it personally. There are no shortages of lessons! One of the best things about our program, a by-product of simply seeking sobriety, is the fact of the necessity to help others. It all starts with willingness. If I can be a helper in life, if I can do many “s...