Brothers in Our Defects

 In 12-step groups, the dropping of masks is not just invited and encouraged - it is expected, if there is to be any personal growth. Step 4 shows us how to look at our shortcomings with complete honesty. The ability to be totally honest with oneself is a skill which requires practice; this step outlines just how to start. I have to ask myself about the resentments which still burn, even just a tiny bit. Toss a little fuel on those embers, and they will burst back into flames. 

Whom have my actions harmed in the past? What, specifically, did I do? How might I have handled it differently? What was I trying to control? Did I feel like my cover was being blown, like the carefully constructed mask I presented was being forcefully removed? What did I fear, and how did that negatively affect others? Why did I act in a way that would now shame me? What reasoning did I use to make the unacceptable acceptable?

We share as honestly as we are able with others, in and out of meetings, to become fully, freely, the people we are meant to be. Speakers and chairpersons share their ‘experience, strength, and hope’, and in so doing, we find our common bonds.  I’ve discovered again and again that my dirty little secrets are fairly normal abnormal reactions, and that I needn’t keep responding the same way as I always had. 

The removal of the masks of separation show us all how alike we really are.

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