Looking Within

 Ya cain’t change what ya don’t acknowledge.      Dr. Phil

I’m in the process of setting up an appointment with a Nutritionist to help me figure out what dietary changes I need to make. I want my body to be happy with me. My liver certainly is - it has had over a decade to recover from my abuse.

My body wants movement, and at the same time, it punishes me when I go overboard. Finding the balance between Chair Potato and All Out is a constant see-saw, but it’s doable when I acknowledge that I must constantly challenge my tendency to err on the side of Potato, followed by making up for that in one mighty effort.

My inner work goes nowhere if I don’t look squarely at my shadow work. There’s a natural resistance to doing this. Denial is the blindfold, the false face, the basis of all my “why me” moments.

Slowly, persistently, guided lovingly, and safe from the imagined monsters, I take a good hard look at the wreckage I’ve caused. The finger-pointing blamer is turned back on me. I learn to see how my reality doesn’t match the fantasy self I present. What caused me to hide? How do I now handle the aspects of myself that keep me from being who I truly came here to be?

I am asked to use prayer and meditation as part of the work of uncovering both the problems and the solutions. God, Power, My Creator, Universal Love speaks through the gut, new circumstances, in recognizing myself in the experience of others, in always asking for insight and the will to follow through.

I am reminded that I am a ‘work in progress’. In progress - active, removing the blinders of denial as soon as I am ready for more insight.