Overcoming Loneliness

 My human tendency is to seek approval. I’m more aware of it nowadays, thank goodness, but there was a time when that felt like a deep need, and it informed all my actions and relationships. Not surprisingly, I couldn’t find what I wanted to find outside of myself. The idea of being content with who I am made me nauseous—it seemed like an impossibility, a standard made for others. 

This lack was reflected in my spiritual life. How could I have a relationship with anything so big and unfathomable which found me incomplete? I had come to understand that the answer to the question “why me?” was “why not me?”, but that understanding had no roots. It just left me feeling even more lonely and unloveable. 

That loneliness was ultimately a very selfish emotion, because everything, all the time, was about ME—how I felt about anything, how I perceived your reaction or lack thereof to me, how much better everyone else had it, how I was so unappreciated and misunderstood…

I’m in daily, loving, aware contact with my Higher Power today. I’m still subject to occasional bouts of loneliness, but I chat with that Power about it. I know I’m not alone and never have been, and I know that loneliness is an illusion which can be felt whether by myself or in an unhealthy relationship.  

It’s all a matter of embodying the principles of the program, which for me are best summed up by the Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.