Reflections from Reflections

 Singleness of purpose. It’s an important principle; one which has served us well. I can adopt this into the way I interact with others, when I’m aware of what I’m saying. In the rooms, that singleness of purpose becomes life-changing, and sometimes life-saving. I am a sovereign being. I am entitled to form my own opinions and to act on them or to ignore them. No one is keeping score. The tricky part, for me, is in remembering that everyone else has that same privilege, and I don’t have to have a say. I don't  get  to have a say, unless I’m asked. Controversy arises when I think others must agree with me.  In those times when I feel frustration at the opinions or actions of others, I have to ask myself if any of it is my business. Ofttimes the answer is “no”, but sometimes my conscience demands that I speak up. How I do so is important. Is someone in the rooms veering from the principles? Am I sure? I need to take my concern to my sponsor or another trusted individua...

 The survival of AA is our ‘singleness of purpose’. In being neutral on all other (outside) issues, we continue to exist to help those who are still in the grips of this insidious disease. There is a clarity in that. I know where I stand and what I need to concentrate on. The Traditions, formed through many trials and errors, have simplified the process. Tradition 10 tells us “Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy”. That’s simple and to the point. I can participate all I want in all the issues I find important, outside  of the rooms.  I can utilize the discipline of neutrality outside of the rooms as well. This is where I learn to apply the principles to all areas of my life. On the highway (driving remains my most active classroom), where I don’t have to ascribe possible motivations of other drivers, and at family gatherings, where class is always in session. This principle is important whe...

 I have opinions about things that keep me in duality: right or wrong, left or right, night or day. It doesn't much matter what I think. Life, in fact, goes on. In A.A., our Tradition 10 reminds us that we exist outside of personal opinions (“outside issues”). Our focus is on our mission - to share with other alcoholics what keeps me sober today. It makes absolutely no difference what they - or we - think of anything else. Sobriety is ALL. The early members learned this truth the hard way, by imposing rules, rules, and more rules, all based on prevailing opinions. They had to learn to pare everything down to the essentials: Recovery,  Unity, and Service, as laid out in the 12s: the Twelve Steps, the Twelve Traditions, and the Twelve Concepts.  These seem like excellent ideals for living my personal life, but I confess that my opinions get in the way very often. When I make it a point to commune daily with my Higher Power, I find that those ideals are easier to express. I ...

 Today’s  reading starts with a quote from page 150 of the 12x12: “Shoemaker, stick to thy last!” In this context, ‘last’ is a noun which has lost it footing (heh) in the current lexicon. It is a foot-shaped form which was used by cobblers to create shoes. So, in sticking to what we know best, we are urged to ‘stay in our own lane’. A.A. needs to concern itself only  with being united in maintaining our own sobriety and in helping others find that freedom from alcohol. I can find it hard to refrain from offering advice (unsolicited) or doing what is not mine to do. Tradition 5 reminds me to compartmentalize a bit - “ to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers”. I may think I have a better way outside of the confines of alcoholism or an answer to everyone’s questions, but no, that is simply not the case. That’s just ego hiding perceptions of lack. In life outside of the rooms, this reminds me to meet people where they are. Labels don’t apply, opinions are thei...

 We live in very divided times. There is a strong sense of rightness among people with very different ideas of what that means. I believe in the importance of standing against those principles which I find dangerous, repulsive, or just plain unacceptable. I also believe in trying to walk in another’s shoes - to see their point of view from an unbiased position. Fortunately, for those of us gathered together for a single purpose, we can set those divisions aside. In the rooms, we have a common goal: to find the sacredness in sobriety. Atheist, agnostic, Christian, Muslim, Sikh, Jew, Native American,  or no particular affiliation; trade unionist, doctor, lawyer, clerk, or unemployed - we join together in one common cause. We still find divisions in the groups themselves: straight, gay, men only, women only, but there will always, in every group, be one or more who stands out as ‘different’.  There’s the work! Can I exercise ‘true tolerance’ in sharing my story of recovery? ...

 While it’s not entirely true that nothing grows in the dark, analogies make it clear that being in the light is where ideas are born, where clarity is achieved, where we can see more clearly. I can see that I’ve spent many more moments “in the dark” than not. There is confusion in darkness, but there is also necessary rest. How can I know the Light without also experiencing the opposite? My body, my soul, my being experiences all of it. Can I learn to rest in the darkness, knowing that the light will appear just as surely as the sun will rise? When I look back over my life’s experiences, it can feel as though I’m looking into a dark chasm. What confusion! What mistakes and harmful decisions I made! To be perfectly honest, I still do dumb-ass things, but I’m learning to shine the light of earned wisdom on those events to learn about myself. That is to grow in the Light. Every morning, I invite Light into my life, into my day, into my mind, then proceed to experience all which would...

 We can get lost in the weeds if we try to define “God”. Who among us can understand that which is limitless?  I don’t think I’ve ever not believed in a Higher Power, but I often felt like I was on the outside looking in. There can be a lot of smugness when encountering someone who claims to have the answers. How is that possible? Is that Power small enough to comprehend? Agnostics may be okay with the idea of maybe yes/maybe no, and atheists have shut their minds to any possibility of connection, so there can’t also exist an ease of a sense of belief. “If there is a God, why is there suffering?”, is the stumbling block. I don’t know, but perhaps we witness or experience suffering to develop a compassion for others experiencing the same. Perhaps a simple prayer - “what can I do here?” - can lift a burden for a moment.  My burden of alcoholism was lifted from me. That allowed me to find out who I am and what I can contribute to others. The question of “why me?” was replace...

 In our 12x12, Bill writes that the main taproot of our program is the admission of “complete defeat”. That’s one that so many of us, me included, fight against until we simply have no other choice.  From what I understand, the taproot is the first to find and provide nourishment to the growing plant. It might remain, with other roots developing off of it, or it might disappear altogether with the formation of a branch system. Either way, those roots provide the strength and nutrients from which to grow and flourish.  They hold the newly-developing plant firmly while it grows ever larger.  So - it seems that Bill is saying that without that admission of “complete defeat”, I will not experience the growth I need to be a successful flowering or fruiting being. My Master Gardener needs me to agree to certain parameters in order to help me grow.  There are many “seeds” in the world. Some spring to life beautifully in an elegant synergy with their surroundings. Some ...

 I’ll admit it - it’s very hard for me to be open to new ideas. I’m pretty opinionated about many things, even though I try to see situations from different sides. When I’m being honest with myself, I still live in the duality of good/bad, and right/wrong.  I have the ability to be open. I recall a time when I was participating in a political telephoning campaign. I spoke with one young man who earnestly asked what the difference was between parties. I felt like I answered in a balanced way. He knew which party I was working with, so there was no need to elevate that at the expense of the other, so I offered my understanding of the differences from a position of basic beliefs, neither right nor wrong, leaving him to decide where his allegiance fell. So - I can have an open mind, if I choose to have it. I can choose to default to having a closed mind, but there is no growth there, no communion with my Source, no willingness to learn. The challenge for me is to admit that I don’...

 Bill was a mystic. His ‘vital spiritual experience’ gave him a new perspective into living life, and offered him the viewpoint of a different plane of existence. He learned, after being ‘rocketed into a fourth dimension’, to see life in much broader terms than the concepts of will-power and self-control.  If he was right, if mystics in general are right and we are indeed spiritual beings having a human experience, then we must look at our whole lives in that perspective. I have to - I have agreed  to - look at my thoughts, words, and actions, and ask if they reflect the reality I have accepted. I must ask myself daily if I am ‘walking the talk’. Sobriety was my first goal, and it remains the most observable gift of my personal growth. I don’t take it for granted, because it is the foundation of my spiritual connection with my Higher Power. Before sobriety, I knew that I was missing something vital to my existence, but I couldn’t define it. I didn’t want to get into any k...

 Throughout. Each. Day. All the time. If I am to continue to take personal inventory, it really has to be constant, keeping upmost in my mind that I am accountable for the words that come out of my mouth, as well as for the actions I take.  Did I just say something which stung the heart of another? For their sake as well as my own, I need to admit my error and do whatever I can to mitigate it. I know from personal experience how trying to hide from accountability just eats away at my psyche. I know I’m wrong, and I think that by making no admission, the mistake will simply fade away. Not so! It festers and causes pain. For the sake of my own growth, and for the sake of the person I’ve harmed, I must do whatever I can to make it right as quickly as possible. Only then can I forgive myself and move on.

 Oh, I have so much practice taking the inventory of others! It’s usually because I have the time, due to ignoring my own. In the rooms of AA, we hear truisms like “if you spot it, you got it”, and “when I point at you, I have three fingers pointing back at myself”. These saying may sound trite, but they illustrate the need to concentrate only on what I can change about myself. In taking a daily inventory, or in the moment of irritation, I am learning to quickly ask myself where I have acted in the same way or said something hurtful disguised as humor. How do I demonstrate the exact things that bother me about another person? Is it possible that these things bother me because they are unresolved issues in my own life? I’ve got a lot to work on before I reach that mythical point of perfection where I get to worry about others. My checklist should keep me busy enough that I don’t need to see if anyone else is working on theirs. With the practice of connection with my Creator, I am hu...

 It’s straightforward, really - start each day by acknowledging my connection with Spirit and keeping that consciousness open, then finishing each day by asking myself how well I accomplished that. Simple, but not easy.  I’m reading a book about Teresa of Ávila, where the following contemplation was how she began her days: God has no body now on earth but yours, No hands but yours, No feet but yours, Yours are the eyes through which he is to look out God’s compassion to the world; Yours are the feet with which he is to go about Doing good; Yours are the hands with which he is to bless men now. No pressure! All I require of myself is to honestly try to be my best self. I am deeply flawed. That’s okay -it’s part of being human. At the beginning of the day, I remind myself. After my first cup of coffee, I have to remind myself. As I read the paper, I have to remind myself. When I go to the store, when I’m in my car, wherever I encounter other humans, I have to remind myself. And ...

 “Did I do that?”    Urkle That’s a question I need to ask myself immediately, whenever the ego-based demons of selfishness, fear, dishonesty, or resentment arise. Bill’s experience suggested that we immediately talk with another, and make any necessary amends. The trick is to learn to catch myself in the act, so that I can take positive action before another moment goes by. Let it not fester and become a seemingly untreatable wound. This can’t mean that I must tolerate the intolerable in another. We are all on a human journey together, but my treatment of others with whom I disagree need never be at odds with what I find true and kind. I can answer with firmness and honor and dignity - those attributes which need no apology. I don’t need to be cute about my actions, or dismissive of causing harm or embarrassment in my pursuit of Truth. I can - and must - stand up for injustice whenever possible, and be willing to call a foul a foul, but there is guidance here. Is it true...

 There are some who take great pride in speaking their minds at all times, no matter the situation. An adage I learned in AlAnon was “say what you mean, mean what you say, but don’t say it in a mean way”. I believe the first is centered in ego, the second in compassion. ‘Standing in one’s truth’ is vital, and is contrary to the need to please. It oftentimes needs to be learned and reinforced. That was certainly the case for me. As I meditated on what rashness means to me, I was struck with the difference between it and spontaneity. Being spontaneous can be a positive trait - an openness to the joy of the moment taking precedent over the same old thing. Rashness, however, is a cold, hard word, implying a lack of both self-discipline and concern for anyone other than oneself. If I speak or act rashly, the chances of harm to myself or others increases. I have given myself over to the selfishness of ego and the separation of recognizing the sovereignty of others. I have place my needs ...

 Today’s reflection starts with a statement by Bill W. in the 12x12 which states that “It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us ”.  My first reaction is to deny that, but then we are given an example which simply illustrates that it is our reaction  to each situation which causes that disturbance. Life happens. Bad things happen to good people. We know this - we see it every day on the news, and we feel it in our own lives. “I didn’t deserve that!” we say to ourselves. Unfairness exists. Sadness visits everyone. Am I supposed to just skip along through life, singing a merry tune, ignoring the darkness? Hardly. Sometimes I am the cause of another person’s discomfort. When it happens, Step 10 asks me to look squarely at myself and take responsibility. When another person or situation causes me any kind of pain, can I expect them to do the same? No, I can’t. So how do I find equilibrium in an unfair ...

 My first clue that I might have taken wrong action is when I feel righteous about it. Is there any need to justify an action taken or a word spoken if it was, in fact, the right thing to do? Perhaps I only try to do so when I have overstepped or misjudged a situation.  Taking a daily inventory is the practice of looking at my motivations as well as any consequences of my part of an interaction. Was it just? Was it necessary? Was it kind? What was the result? How might I stop myself from stepping into someone else’s situation or trying to fix a problem that wasn’t mine? What would I like to do differently, if given another opportunity? Where was I silent when I should have spoken up? How can I work in concert with my Higher Power to take care of my own stuff, and allow others the dignity to take care of their own?  By asking myself these questions, I develop more capacity to catch myself before, as, or immediately after saying or doing something which does not support our...

 I am writing this from Paris, where I am spending time with two out of three siblings. We’re laughing together over absurdities of life - our aging bodies with pains and canes, ills and pills. The two of us who live in the US are getting a European point of view of world events, and we’re very aware of just how near Ukraine is. It’s sobering, for sure. I find I must bring my program with me wherever I go and in whatever situations I find myself. Wherever I go, there I am. Especially with siblings, old patterns can show up. I have to examine my own motivations and responses daily, no matter where I am. I have grown personally, and I bring that fresh self to my everyday events. I’m fortunate that I’m from a loving, accepting family, and we enjoy each other’s company, but that doesn’t mean I can be a butthead and get away with it! I begin and end each day with “Thank You”.  That both sets the stage for daytime activities, and ends my days with perspective. How fortunate I am to ...

 We all know that pruning a garden is what helps it to be both beautiful and healthy. What I see around me, though, are shrubs which were allowed to grow too large, then were over pruned. Instead of filling in nicely and fulfilling their role as edging, parts of them have died, and will need to be completely removed. What a shame! If they had been taken care of earlier in the process, they’d be thriving now, a luscious green rather than a drab brownish thatch. There’s a lesson there for me! When I sense a “no” or a “not yet” to my wants, I’m not being punished - I’m being gently trimmed. Like so many of us, I grew up with the concept of a punishing God. Thoughts or actions which were ‘wrong’ would result in my wings being clipped, first a little, then possibly removed altogether. This kind of thinking removes me from taking personal responsibility. God becomes the bad guy, arbitrarily whacking at will. Today I can be grateful for ‘a little off the top and sides’. Whether the result...

 Kindness, gratitude, love - all the positive emotions I wish to feel must be embodied. They take root in the depths, and emerge after being patiently tended. They show up from the inside out, not just on the surface. This is what struck me today as I went out into the world resolved to show kindness rather than the impatience I wrote about yesterday. I realized that the kindness I wish to show others MUST be unconditional, and that I had started to see it as a transactional thing. I wish to be surprised by kindness, not making expectations of receiving any. My aim is to feel that kindness toward others, knowing that I can’t possibly know what is happening in their worlds. When it is honestly felt, it will manifest in my actions, and probably on my face. I told my sponsor about my negative experience with myself, and remarked that I knew I looked like I’d just sucked a lemon. Who on earth is going to feel inclined to go out of their way for such a sourpuss?! I feel calm today, know...

 In our 12x12, Bill asks us if, after having worked and integrated the first 9 steps, we can “stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose under all conditions”. The purpose of Step 10 is to ask myself that question daily. Yesterday, I experienced a ‘do not pass Go, do not collect $200’ kind of day. I failed, big time. I had an expectation of another person, and instead of asking for what I wanted, I got angry when she ignored me. I was publicly Not Happy. I let that anger show on my face, and the more angry I felt, the harsher my inner dialog was. That found expression as I drove home, venting my displeasure vocally. Yeah, I yelled and screamed. It was not pretty. There I was, a “spiritual person”, having a lower vibration moment. I let a very temporary annoyance darken my mood, and in that darkness, I included others. We are all connected. My giant step backwards was a result of losing sight of that.  Yesterday, even though I stayed sober, I failed the “ac...

 Thinking that I’ve learned all that our program can teach me is like only cleaning my house once, and proclaiming to myself “Whew! I’ll never have to do that  again!”. It just doesn’t work that way. The lessons come daily, whether I pay attention or not. The question is, am I going to tune in to their presence? Will I take positive action? Will I seek new answers or see how the understanding I’ve gained can be used in this moment? As often as I goof up and miss the mark, do I recognize that and take corrective action? Sometimes, a little time has to pass before I recognize how an old, destructive pattern has reemerged in a new way.  Step 10 asks me to take a daily inventory. Where have I harmed another? Where did I speak when silence was called for? When did I not take action when called on? As I develop this practice, I become more aware in the moment. Sometimes, I find I can cut off the ego-driven urge to say or do what I would later regret. More often, each day is ano...